I don’t know how I feel…

I don’t know what to feel…

I think I’m going bananas…

I can’t get a grip on myself…

But whatever!

Every so often I think it is okay to go crazy if that’s the only way for one to find his/her own sanity. And I am crazy as hell right now but I figured a few things out already. I may be incessantly and effectively acting tough but I am not invincible, you know. People think I am this and that but they really do not totally know me. And, yes, I am no Superwoman. Well, not “super” Superwoman. If you think so, now then I have my own kryptonite. Yes, I scar and I bleed and sometimes it takes me a dreadfully long time to heal. At times, the pain goes increasingly piercing, cringe-making even, through time – like poison traveling through your veins, discreet at first yet ultimately paralyzing. And it is only then that you learn you have been wounded and all along you have, in fact, been failing inside.

I can't take the distance

I can't take the miles

I can't take the time until I next see you smile

I can't take the distance

And I'm not ashamed

That with every breath I take I'm callin’ your name

Perhaps, it is true that I am an emotional cripple. Perhaps, you have been incredibly patient and now have decided to move on. Perhaps, it was my entire fault because I am a numb, nitpicky, lily-livered person who was just masking her unfounded fears. I do not know how to deal with these things and, more often than not, I am left alone wondering, shrouded in remorse and bitterness.

When you’re dreaming with a broken heart

The giving up is the hardest part

Nevertheless, I am currently, in no doubt, hurting and it is my foolish heart’s fault. But just like what Beverley Knight said: “Shoulda, woulda, (and) coulda are the last words of a fool.” And so, here I am, still with leftover feelings, trying to move on and albeit this distance and coldness is crushing me, I would dare brave it.

I still believe my feelings

But sometimes I feel too much

I make believe you're close to me

But it ain't close enough

Not nearly close enough

...

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should have known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do…

It’s over and done.

Here, I park.

They're already in their 30's and 40's but they still leave high school girls giggling and screaming! This is the magic of the gorgeousomeness of D's three Drool-worthy Men for the month of August. I was fourteen years old when I fell in love with Jim Caviezel in Angel Eyes. When the ABC hit show Lost premiered in 2004, I instantly adored both Matthew Fox and his lovable character Dr. Jack Shephard. The Phantom of the Opera brought me the hunkiness that is Gerard Butler. And in 2007, I loved him much more in the testosterone-filled movie 300. For me, these men are indeed providentially chosen to make women of all ages swoon and sigh.

GERARD BUTLER, 39

Butler currently splits his time between Los Angeles and New York City. He has a pug named Lolita.

Butler was a heavy smoker but quit smoking in 2007 when he played Gerry Kennedy in PS, I Love You. "I was smoking a huge amount and having real bad premonitions and then I got this role where the guy dies of cancer", Butler said. "The film made me contemplate death and realise I was playing Russian roulette with my health. I've stopped smoking since".^{[citation needed]}

Butler also prefers many people calling him Gerry. The main reason, as he told Jay Leno during an appearance on The Tonight Show, was because he disliked the way people, Americans especially, pronounced Gerard.^{[citation needed]}

Butler said in an Esquire interview in 2009 that he abstains from alcohol. Gerard Butler is rumored to be in a relationship with Jennifer Aniston, which he also denied in the interview, saying that every time he is seen with a woman near him he is assumed to be with her.

In a 2004 interview with Movieline, Butler admitted to having been in relationships with both women and men, and chooses to keep his sexuality open and unlabeled.

MATTHEW FOX, 43

At the age of 25, Fox made his debut on an episode of Wings. That same year, he also starred on a short-lived dramatic series, Freshman Dorm. Still not a familiar face on the small screen, he continued getting cast in supporting roles, including the role of Charlie in the CBSSchoolbreak Special series, If I Die Before I Wake before he made his big screen debut in My Boyfriend's Back (1993).

In 1994, Fox was cast in a co-starring role as the eldest of five siblings who lose both parents in a car accident on the 1990s teen drama Party of Five, as Charlie Salinger. In 1996, People Magazine named Fox one of the 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. After Party of FiveHaunted, in 2002. was canceled following its sixth season, Fox starred in another TV series,

Since September 2004, Fox has played the role of the troubled and dedicated surgeon, Dr. Jack Shephard, on Lost. He initially auditioned for the role of James "Sawyer" Ford. However, co-creator J. J. Abrams thought he would be better for the role of Jack, a role originally slated to be for the pilot episode only. Fox was nominated for a Golden Globe, won the 2005 Satellite Award, and shared the 2006 Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series, for his role in Lost. Incidentally, Fox claims to be the only cast member to know the ending of the show.

On December 2, 2006, he hosted Saturday Night Live with musical guests Tenacious D. In 2006, Fox co-starred with Matthew McConaughey in the sports drama, We Are Marshall. He also played a bit part in the action film Smokin' Aces and starred in the 2008 thriller, Vantage Point. He said of this film that as well as being a straightforward thriller, he thinks it has the potential to make people stop and think that "there are very different ways of looking at the world". In May 2008, Fox starred as Racer X in the movie Speed Racer.

JIM CAVIEZEL, 40