As the communion song comes to an end, this man stood with his back facing me. In stunned disbelief, I stared at him and subtly studied his figure from top to bottom. I realized that it was pathetically bordering on stalker-ish still I couldn’t help myself.

With his hair cut extremely short, his broad shoulders, a military dog tag hanging on his neck, his well-built body, and his confident stance, he reminded me of a man I used to know – a man I used to care about. Now, the memories just keep on coming in…

Our paths first came across in a church as well. Searching for a vacant seat, I instantly thought he was good-looking as we met each other’s eyes. He grinned adorably at me and I smiled back then giggled as I headed to an available seat next to my friend. When the mass ended, he daringly approached me and we had a little chat. Honestly, I was a bit frantic when he asked for my number, thinking if it was for real – if he was for real.

The answers came when he was right there, standing outside my dormitory, with his black motorcycle alongside. He took me to the most riveting food trips and enchanting sights. Together, we enjoyed viewing a vivid lake from the top of a mountain, tearing down the dullness of the night; lounged on an abandoned boat at the pier, merely trading sweet silence and long pleasant conversations; and watched the most extravagant fireworks display, just the two of us standing in the middle of a bridge. Needless to say, I had a blast with him. And this is why I couldn’t seem to forget him.

For a few years, he trained for the army. That made him who he is – a man of strength, determination, and order. I adored him for being so self-assured and I felt secured whenever I’m with him. Sometimes, though, he will act like an overly sensitive little kid and I would hit him for that. Growing up and being close with his mom and his sister, he was also gentle and chivalrous in some ways. I did not love it but it was cute anyway.

But what I cannot understand is how cowardly and lame he is when it comes to dealing with his emotions. He needed time and I offered space for him to mature. At that moment, I just did not have the patience to deal with it. It was effortless for me to let go but it wasn’t necessarily painless. And now, it’s clear to me, sometimes you can fully understand and appreciate the beauty and importance of a thing if you look at it from afar. Like the breathtaking lake and the fireworks, for me, he remains to be a lovely yet distant memory.